I've heard many women say that pregnancy seems to go by much faster when you have older children and a busy life to tend to. In some ways, I would agree, and in some ways, I would say it felt like the longest pregnancy yet! We went through quite a bit during that 41 weeks, and I was more than ready to have her in my arms and to get to enjoy the sweetness of a new baby! She, however, was not in quite as much of a hurry as me and she kept me waiting for just about as long as possible!
As our due date came and went, I began to be fairly anxious. With family coming in town for our yearly Lakeapalooza, I worried about how everything would play out. Where would the girls be when I go into labor? Should I be driving back and forth an hour away to my parents' house? Am I even going to be able to enjoy being with everyone? When is this baby coming??? I made the drive on Monday and Tuesday, 5 and 6 days past my due date. I endured painful contractions for three nights and came to understand what the term "prodromal labor" means. They were long nights with contractions that were painful enough to keep me awake, close enough to keep me on edge, wondering if it was time to have her, but never close enough to call in the birth team. Morning would come with no baby, and I became more and more physically and emotionally exhausted.
Finally, on Wednesday, I was done! Done driving back and forth, done taking care of my kids, DONE being pregnant! The older girls were left with my parents and Mike drove Juliana to his mom that morning on his way into the office. My good friend Nora came over to keep me company while Mike was at work that morning, and I definitely appreciated having her here! Mike came home after his morning shift and fortunately didn't have to go back to the office that day. We know from previous births that Serena was probably not in a great position, which is likely why labor wasn't fully initiating. We decided to go see our sweet chiropractic friends who's office is very close to Mike's, Drs. Eric and Lauren Alvaredo. Lauren has a lot of experience working with pregnant women and I knew she could help to get Serena in a better position. She worked with me for nearly an hour and suggested that we come back a couple of hours later to do more. We did, and she worked with me for another hour. Mike adjusted me a couple of times, and Eric worked some his magic as well, which included acupuncture. They advised me to go home, eat, rest, and not expect labor to kick in right away but to relax while I could. I was and am still so grateful for their kindness! Truly wonderful people!!
We ventured for home with a plan to grab dinner on the way. As we drove down the highway, only minutes after leaving their office, contractions picked up quickly and I told Mike to skip dinner and head straight to the house. Being in the car was not comfortable! So much for eating and resting! When we arrived home, I started a bath and asked Mike to start setting up the birth pool. As quickly as things were picking up, and as exhausted as I was after three nights of minimal sleep, I was becoming a bit overwhelmed with all of it and needed the bath to relax a bit and catch my breath. Mike was paying attention to my contractions and realized that they were coming rather quickly-- every 3-5 minutes. He became anxious and was ready to call the birth team in. I told him we could wait, but he was given permission by my midwives to go over my head if he felt the need, and he did just that! I guess he didn't want to run the risk of having to deliver this baby by himself!
A short while later, everyone starting trickling in. As I labored against the bed, with contractions still coming pretty quickly, they worked to get everything set up and ready. Not long after they arrived, I was asked if I wanted to be checked for dilation. I definitely did! I wanted to know if I should expect a long night, as I have experienced with previous births, or if my fourth birth would be a faster one. I was checked, and much to everyone's great surprise, I was told that I was 8 cm dilated! I was shocked and thrilled-- I was thinking we'd all be done and ready to go to bed by midnight!
I got into the birth pool where I anticipated laboring for a little while and birthing within a couple of hours. Everything was intense, and I was truly exhausted, but I felt good knowing how close I was. I felt in control and that I could handle everything. Mike stayed nearby, giving counter pressure during contractions and offering words of encouragement. Time went by and it seemed like contractions might have been spacing out a bit. That's not entirely uncommon for me, but after a while, it seemed like things should be different. Mike kept suggesting that I be checked again, and I repeatedly said that it was fine, there's not really any point and she'll get here when she gets here. After a while longer, though, I began to be curious. She should have been here by now! Finally, I asked to be checked. A different person checked me and when she looked at me, I knew I was not going to be happy with what she discovered. I was not as close as we thought. At that point, I was only 6 cm dilated. The student midwife who had checked me earlier missed the exam and I was not actually at 8 when she first checked.
Labor is hard. Labor at home in the middle of the night after days of very little sleep is very hard. Realizing that I was not as close as we thought was somewhat crushing. I tried to be positive about it, but it was a bit defeating and it was hard not to be discouraged. I never quite got back to the place of feeling in control and I had to fight myself mentally for the rest of the time. I kept thinking "I still haven't gone through transition yet!" From past experience, I knew what was ahead of me. The time from about 7 or 8 cm to 10 cm is the brutal time referred to as transition. In the past, it brought back to back contractions with an intensity and pain level that cannot be described. With my two previous home births, I experienced vomiting because of the pain. As truly exhausted as I already was, knowing that all of that was still ahead of me was a reality that I truly did not know if I could face.
At that point, I was advised to walk around, grab a bit to eat, walk the stairs, all with the hope that it would get things to pick back up. I cried to Mike for a moment about how discouraged I was, and he offered more words of encouragement. We ate some frozen grapes together, a treat that I came to love near the end of pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure he always made sure to keep some frozen so I could enjoy them whenever I did finally go into labor. I walked up and down the stairs several times, with Kerri and Jamie joining me for the walk and helping me through contractions when they would come. When we were finished with that, we went back to the bed where they had me do a side lying position to try to get Serena in a better position. I laid on the side of the bed with one leg draped across my body as the midwives held onto me during two contractions on each side. It was rather uncomfortable and seemed to take forever because my contractions were still several minutes apart. I threw up a few times during this time and was so ready to get back in the water when it was done!
Finally, back in the water, I was a bit more comfortable. I remained discouraged and truly wondered if I was going to be able to get to the end of all of this. I remember sitting with my arms in front me thinking "I can barely feel my arms because I'm so tired. How am I going to be able to get this baby out??" Mike was just as worried and fairly exhausted himself. With my previous home births, I never truly thought that I might not be able to make it without an epidural, but this time, I wasn't sure. I thought many times about going to the hospital to get some pain relief simply so I could give my body time to relax and get some sleep before having to push her out! As time passed and as these thoughts continued coming, along with the "I still haven't gone through transition yet!" thoughts, I asked again to be checked. I needed to know. At that point, I was thinking of transferring to the hospital for an epidural and was going to base that decision on how far dilated I was.
"You're fully dilated." Thank God!!! As she checked further, she realized that there was still a bit of a cervical lip, but I was told that I could go ahead and start pushing. No going to the hospital at that point! I began pushing, and Jamie helped to move that cervical lip as I did so (fun way of making an uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable!). With the last two births, I only pushed for maybe 15 minutes, so I was thrilled to know that I was very nearly finished! Expectation was not reality in this instance and I wound up pushing for 45 minutes or so. It was brutal, and I was whining and screaming and ready to just be put out of my misery! I remember the midwives telling me that she's right there, right behind the bag of water, and I kept saying "so break my water!", like that would make her magically come out or something. ?? I don't even know what I was thinking... coherent, rational thoughts were not part of the equation at that point! What added to the misery was that my contractions were still further apart, which meant that I would push and then have to wait for several minutes to continue. It felt totally defeating, and although I knew the hospital was out of the question, I genuinely thought for a moment that I just can't do it.
And then, there she was. My sweet baby emerged into the water and suddenly, all of the pain, fear, agony, and discouragement was gone. My baby was here!
As I reached down to get her, with the student-midwife Kerri's hands also reaching down, we realized that the umbilical cord was around her neck. Typically, this isn't a big issue, and it's not at all uncommon, but things did get slightly hairy for a second as I realized some concern among the midwives. Everything was just fine ultimately, but it seemed like it took a minute to get the cord off and that kind of freaked me and Mike out for a second. Jamie swooped in, got the cord off, and handed my sweet, perfect, healthy baby to me. I was, and continue to be, in absolute awe of her! This baby, who I wasn't sure I would have--after a long, sometimes difficult pregnancy, and a long, very difficult birth-- was finally here and just perfect!
It's truly amazing to me how I can go from so much pain and agony to absolute love and bliss in a matter on moments. Child birth is incredible that way! Unfortunately for Mike, men don't get quite the hormone rush that we women do, and he was just done! He was thrilled to meet Serena and that she was finally here, but he didn't get over the anguish of watching me go through all of that quite as quickly as I did.
Sitting here a month later, I can say that I'm perfectly content with how everything went. I think many women have a perfect image of how their birth will go in their heads, and it can be very discouraging when it doesn't go that way. I'm a pretty laid back person in general and while it would certainly have been nice for things to have been more smooth, I'm pretty proud of the fact that I did it! It was long and it was brutal but it was Serena's birth and it was absolutely beautiful. And as I look back at birth pictures, I remember that it definitely wasn't all hard. We shared many laughs and I felt so much love through every second! My birth team is incredible and I'm so grateful for each person present! Christy has been by my side for all three of our home births and she has given me love and encouragement in a way that no one else could. Jamie was a student at Juliana's birth and has become someone I consider a great friend. She's a rock star midwife and can also make me laugh in a way that few people can! Kerri was our student midwife who has such a sweet, calming presence and I am grateful for her care throughout the pregnancy and to have her at our birth. And of course, there's my sweet husband! His love, encouragement, and strength-both physical and spiritual, helped me in ways that I'm not sure he even realizes.
And now, together, Mike and I will raise four beautiful daughters. I can't imagine a more perfect life!
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